Post College Years

I kind of realized the other day that I’ve been in a post college funk for the last 2.5 years or so. I think a lot of people have a difficult time after graduating college -- especially if at the end of four years you still have no idea how to get where you want to be – but I think I am starting to have a little more clarity now. I always thought that the whole point of life was to achieve a permanent state of perpetual happiness, but happiness is really more day to day and you go through periods of relative happiness (college) followed by periods of relative unhappiness (post college years). I don’t mean that I’ve been miserable for the last 2.5 years -- just that I feel like I haven’t been my full self due to lack of direction and drive.

Anyway, I think I have a better idea now. In mid September, I’m going to go to Colombia to update the Colombia chapter for the Frommer’s South America guide. I have to thank my brother for totaling my car, because if I didn’t have that money, I wouldn’t have the option of going to Colombia right now. I’m going to give myself six weeks to find a decently paying English teaching job, try to do some freelance writing and editing or give private lessons. If I don’t find anything by the end of six weeks, then I’ll go back to D.C. get a job, pay off some bills and save some money so I can move to Colombia or somewhere else. I want to write, but I think I have too much on my mind right now to be able to focus on it. When I’m in Virginia I tend to get complacent and stop trying. I don’t know why, but I’m just not as happy as I should be there, even though all my friends and family are there, I miss them when I leave, and I have everything there that should make me happy.

When you’re raised in the U.S. it’s hard to accept that you don’t want a traditional life. It’s hard to break away from that ideal because it’s so American and ingrained in us from such an early age. Home ownership is highlighted as the pinnacle of being an American. I’m not sure why, but you just haven’t made it in the U.S. until you own a house, and to own a house, you generally have to have a traditional job and make sacrifices. I think my problem is that I don’t like to make sacrifices. I guess for the last two or three years, I’ve been struggling between wanting to follow some kind of path, get a normal job, save up for a house and move on with my life in a linear, stable fashion or just be free, which is riskier but allows more creativity. Now I can say with certainty that I just want to be free.