Back in America

I'm back from Panama and am car-less in suburbia. Am like a 50s housewife. Spent the day doing laundry and cooking.

After spending the last five months in the business world, I’ve discovered that I am not cut out to be a business woman. That would require me to be driven by money and live a very stressful life, and I’m not driven by money nor do I want to live a stressful life. At least I can say I tried it. I have also discovered that Panama and other equally hot climates are not for me. I need a city with more of an edge, more culture and a little more depth. Panama is like an American colony that drifted too far south. In Panama, you just feel like you’re in a poorer, less efficient Florida and if you wanted to, you’d never need to speak a word of Spanish and could surround yourself with expats without ever having to interact with an actual Panamanian. It’s just a weird feeling.

In late September, I’ll be flying down to Colombia to update the Frommer’s chapter for the 2010 South America Guide. I’ll be in Cartagena for about a week in late September. If anyone is interested in visiting Cartagena and the Colombian Caribbean coast, let me know – I am looking for a travel companion. Usually I don’t mind traveling alone, but for some reason, this time around, the thought of seeing the Atlantic Coast of Colombia on my own doesn’t excite me very much. If anyone is interested in coming, we could go to Parque Tayrona and the Sierra Nevada mountains and it could be lots and lots of fun…lots of good seafood, parties and sites in and around Cartagena. Plus, I might get some free stuff, being a world-renowned journalist and everything. If you would like to learn more about this traveling opportunity, please contact Jisel Perilla at 703.818.0687…

I’ll be meeting Stephen in Bogota in early October, and we’ll go to the Eje Cafetero and Medellin from there, then go back to Bogota to visit Villa de Leyva and Los Llanos, and I’ll finish up my Frommer’s writing toward the end of October. There’s still a lot of Colombia I haven’t seen yet. I’ve never been to the Amazon, which takes up 33% of the country, and I’ve really never traveled the coasts, apart from Cartagena. I’d like to go to Popayan and the southern region plus Los Llanos and the national parks. Unfortunately, I have only 60 pages to cover all of Colombia, so I’ll have to limit myself.
After Frommers, will need to find a job in Bogota…have a feeling it will happen…Am also somewhat intrigued in Chile.

It's finally going to happen

It appears that Sgroi, Stone and I will be headed to Cape Charles in September. This is the realization of a long-time dream; a dream I feared might never materialize. But alas, plans have been made and it appears that less than one month from today, we will be enjoying a pleasant weekend on the lovely Eastern Shore.

Post College Years

I kind of realized the other day that I’ve been in a post college funk for the last 2.5 years or so. I think a lot of people have a difficult time after graduating college -- especially if at the end of four years you still have no idea how to get where you want to be – but I think I am starting to have a little more clarity now. I always thought that the whole point of life was to achieve a permanent state of perpetual happiness, but happiness is really more day to day and you go through periods of relative happiness (college) followed by periods of relative unhappiness (post college years). I don’t mean that I’ve been miserable for the last 2.5 years -- just that I feel like I haven’t been my full self due to lack of direction and drive.

Anyway, I think I have a better idea now. In mid September, I’m going to go to Colombia to update the Colombia chapter for the Frommer’s South America guide. I have to thank my brother for totaling my car, because if I didn’t have that money, I wouldn’t have the option of going to Colombia right now. I’m going to give myself six weeks to find a decently paying English teaching job, try to do some freelance writing and editing or give private lessons. If I don’t find anything by the end of six weeks, then I’ll go back to D.C. get a job, pay off some bills and save some money so I can move to Colombia or somewhere else. I want to write, but I think I have too much on my mind right now to be able to focus on it. When I’m in Virginia I tend to get complacent and stop trying. I don’t know why, but I’m just not as happy as I should be there, even though all my friends and family are there, I miss them when I leave, and I have everything there that should make me happy.

When you’re raised in the U.S. it’s hard to accept that you don’t want a traditional life. It’s hard to break away from that ideal because it’s so American and ingrained in us from such an early age. Home ownership is highlighted as the pinnacle of being an American. I’m not sure why, but you just haven’t made it in the U.S. until you own a house, and to own a house, you generally have to have a traditional job and make sacrifices. I think my problem is that I don’t like to make sacrifices. I guess for the last two or three years, I’ve been struggling between wanting to follow some kind of path, get a normal job, save up for a house and move on with my life in a linear, stable fashion or just be free, which is riskier but allows more creativity. Now I can say with certainty that I just want to be free.

Ex-pats

I was thinking about it, and the whole ex-pat thing is kind of strange. More so when you have people from stable, modern world countries moving to developing countries with less infrastructure and social benefits and more corruption and complications. I did this and I couldn't tell you exactly why. All I know is that when I was in D.C., I knew I didn't want to be there. I just can't articulate the reasons why not. There are several types of ex-pats in Panama.

I think the worst kind are the non-Spanish speaking middle-aged "paradise-seeker" couples who come here to take advantage of all the "benefits" of living in a so-called third world country, but are more or less repulsed by the local people, culture and way of life. I think people who are tired of Midwestern, Canadian or European winters should just move to Florida if they can't deal with what they view as the "negative" aspects of living in the tropics. They live in their own little world where they only interact with other foreigners and never get to know Panama at anything more than a superficial level. And the thing is, these are probably the same people who look at non-English Mexican immigrants with disdain saying that if they don't speak English, they should go back to Mexico.

Then there are the white guys with longish, whitish hair and prostitute girlfriends. Who still try to party like they're 25 and think people are looking at them with envy when they go somewhere with their 20 year old surgically enhanced "girlfriend." They usually have potbellies, wear Hawaiian shirts and have at least one divorce behind them. These are slightly more respectable than the above category because they at least make an effort to speak Spanish and partake in the local culture. Which makes sense, because they came here to enjoy what they can't enjoy (at least without judgment) in the United States.

There are the entrepreneurs, usually men in their twenties and thirties, who come here to make it big. Some of them are perfectly nice, normal men; others are Miami-style flashy/ridiculous. Sometimes they make more money than they know what to do with and sometimes they realized that Panama isn't the Disneyworld of money-making and end up going back to wherever they came from.

There are also the party people, who don't seem to have an actual job of any kind (or a very vague occupation at best), but who spend most weekends and weekdays at some various club or another. There are actually quite a bit of women in this category, and they are the kind I would never be friends with.

There are also the do-gooder peace core volunteers who stayed on to work on various projects or because they just loved Panama so much. They are usually very nice, decent people, but the kind with no kind of malicious intent of any sort, so it's hard to connect with them unless you're one of them. There are the nature people,(generally Smithsonian or other U.S. or international organization) workers, the Colombian prostitutes, embassy workers, older gay man demographic and the outliers, who can't really be put in anyone category, and you're not really sure why they're here in Panama. I think I'm part of that category, but I'm not completely sure.

When I Get Back to America

I'll be going back to the U.S for about three weeks in about three weeks, and I am experiencing extreme anticipation and excitement about my return to the motherland.

There are just some things in America that are so...comforting and soothing...that I find myself looking forward to going back home more then I would have thought.

This is what I want to do during my time at home (Some won't happen due to lack of funds, but this would be ideal).

• Go camping somewhere with a lake or river. Roast marshmellows. Spend a lot of time at the camp ground store and eating out at unhealthy local diners specializing in any dish with gravy and french fries where all the waitresses are over 30.

• Go for a long bike ride with my dad. Perferably the Old Town Alexandria, Georgetown, Bethesda route. Or Middleburg Route. Lots of hills, but excellent ice cream shop. I want to ride my bike through my neighborhood, see what houses are for sale, how much they're selling for, who has a nice garden this year, who's made changes or additions to their house, et cetera.
• DC9. I like that club. I always have fun there.
• Have my mom make me salmon, pesto and salad for dinner. I want to watch movies with Elsie over saying she's really going home for real this time but then going out to her car to get her pajamas.
• Eat dinner with my family on the deck for three or four hours. Have Rasha come visit us coming through the backyard fence on a nice, clear summer evening.
• Go to Starbucks. Nothing is more American than overpriced coffee and chain ambience. I want a Venti Caramel Frapaccino with lots of whip cream.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  

• I want to have a sleepover in Kim's bed with Sgroi and Stone, talk about life and watch Tivo-d TV.
• Kim's wedding. Going to be very happy, emotional day. She's the first one to get married and somehow that signals a new period in our lives, I think. Seeing what wonderful dresses Adriana and Cassandra picked out. It will also be nice to see the whole Perilla clan of the Mid Atlantic region.
• Have Ivan invite me and Tati to his basement "parties." Well, I guess that won't be possible because he'll be in college :(.
• Hang out at Rasha's house and sing lots of songs very badly while eating condiment flavored popcorn. Man, I've really missed popocorn...haven't had much since leaving the U.S.
• Matsu Sushi. Despite extensive travels, have not yet found sushi place that matches Matsu in quality and atmosphere. And of course, familiarity.

I'm really looking forward to going home and seeing everyone.